IRAQ DID HAVE WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION AS SHOE BARELY MISSES PRESIDENT BUSH

Satire by R J Shulman

It took his farewell tour of Iraq to find the weapons of mass destruction he always suspected were there, but today, President [sic] Bush personally discovered the dangerous missiles in Iraq. "They were size 10 and they were coming straight at me," said President Bush, speaking of the two shoes thrown at him by Iraqi television journalist Muntadar al-Zaidi. Zaidi tossed his shoes, saying they were a good-bye kiss from the Iraqi people.

"They say that Zaire guy called me a dog," said Bush who ducked just in time, "but everyone else must have dyslexia, because I heard him call me a god."

Showing a sole of a shoe in the Arab world is generally considered to be a sign of disrespect. However, Zaidi, who was wrestled to the ground before being shipped off to Guantanamo, said he threw the shoes at the President because, "Bush has no soul and I thought he could use one."

Not since Russian Premier Nikita Khrushchev lost control and pounded his shoe at a UN conference in 1960 has footwear caused such an international incident.

Bush was making a surprise visit to Iraq and then headed for Afghanistan to make his final visit as President to the war-torn countries. "Bush was supposed to go to Afghanistan first," said one unnamed aide, "but like his Presidency, he ended up in Iraq when he should have been in Afghanistan."