Um Amer

The following moving article will appear in the upcoming issue of Al-Awda's
newsletter Until Return. It was written by Khairya Zubaidi of Al-Hawiya,
Yarmouk camp, Syria, and translated by Sama Abdulhalim in San Diego
California.

The article is about Um Amer (mother of Amer) who passed away on July 2 from
complications from cancer. Um Amer, may she rest in peace, was one of 750
Palestinians stranded in al-Tanaf refugee detention camp located in no man's
land in the desert between Iraq and Syria. Um Amer appeared in the
documentary "25 Thousand Tents . . . Maybe More" demanding her right and
hoping to return to her village near Haifa. The documentary was screened
recently at the Sixth Annual International Al-Awda Convention. Copies of
this documentary will soon be available via Al-Awda's Media Center.

Palestinian refugees in Yarmouk camp including Khairya Zubaidi of Al-Hawiya
have been assisting our people at Al-Tanaf over the last two years with
whatever they can. Through these efforts they have developed personal
relationships and knowledge of the people
tranded at Al-Tanaf.by Khairya Zubaidi

Her passing was as difficult as her eventful and harsh childhood.
As a child, she began to awaken and discover the beauty of the world and to make
connections with the land and trees, home and hearth, and bread kiln in her
home. She had an invisible connection with everything she saw and all
things surrounding her; who said that the land and trees are not sentient
beings and that the air travels and is not connected to a specific land?
She was connected to all these things and the occupation of 1948 severed
this connection and cruelly uprooted her. She rushed off with her family
without even taking the necessities. She took refuge in the mountains by
using the land as her bedroll and the sky as her blanket. She drank the
rainwater and foraged the land. She found herself traveling through many
different lands ... traveling still after 60 years. Even 60 years didn't
diminish her love and desire to reclaim her roots. Longing for her
childhood home still burns in her heart. I asked her about her desire to
return home and her face lit up with a hope that she refused to lose, and
she answered "I will go back." She said "I wish this will come true. I
want to go back even if I have to go back to foraging the land and drinking
rainwater. Just return me to my land. I wish this would come true. Will
it come true before I leave this earth?"

Um Amer's dream did not come true. Illness got the best of her. Illness
was the only reason she was allowed to leave Al-Tanaf refugee camp - to
receive medical treatment. Test results showed that her illness was in an
advanced stage and hope for a cure was slim. Um Amer did not know how
severe her situation was. She had hoped she would get better and be able to
stand on her own two feet. Being in a public hospital that treats refugees
made it easier for her to deal with her situation for her fellow refugees
would visit with her. As a result of the illness, Um Amer was moved to
another hospital that specializes in cancer treatment.

Um Amer moved from the confinement of Al-Tanaf refugee camp to a
harsher and cruel confinement - death. She is confined by death. The dire
situation of the other patients surrounding her forced her to acknowledge
and wait for death. When she first found out she had cancer, she tried to
go back to the refugee camp. She felt it would be easier to be surrounded
by family and friends. All parties responsible, from the hospital to the
team responsible for Al-Tanaf, used her illness as an excuse to refuse her
request to return to the refugee camp. That is when Um Amer gave up and not
only did she refuse the cancer treatment but also treatment of any kind.
Her refusal to fight the cancer and seeing her forcefully subdued with
painkillers caused me great sorrow and sadness. I hoped she would keep
resisting and fighting the people in control because I felt that as long as
she was trying to get back to Al-Tanaf she would be fighting death as well.

I spoke with her about life and told her that she would get well and go back
to Al-Tanaf. I told her that she had to fulfill her promise to me to cook
biryani. I told her that she was stronger than Zahra, another Al-Tanaf
refugee who was currently fighting and winning the battle against a cancer
of the blood. After our conversation, Um Amer decided to resume the cancer
treatment. But it was already too late.

At one point, I spoke with Um Amer's doctor about her situation. He told me
that Um Amer was negligent in her treatment of herself. He said that she
should have gone to the hospital before the situation had gotten this bad.
I felt that his words were part of a dark comedy. All I could think to
myself was "doesn't this man know how often sick people try to go to the
hospital or see a doctor and are refused exit from the refugee camp until
they are at the point of death?" To all parties responsible for the refugee
camp, the people living there are just numbers not human beings. They don't
have names or feelings or needs, they are just a serial number. A year ago
things were even more difficult for people who were sick. Back then,
someone who was ill could not even be accompanied by a family member. They
had to leave the refugee camp and go to the hospital alone. Now they are
allowed one person to accompany them.

Um Amer's son, Amer, had a very difficult time getting permission to leave
Al-Tanaf refugee camp to visit his mother. After he finally received
permission to leave the camp and visit her at the hospital, he was only
allowed to stay with her a week. Um Amer was not expected to live long, she
was given hours at worst and a couple of days at most. The people
responsible for Al-Tanaf tried to make Amer go back to Al-Tanaf before Um
Amer passed away. Amer was in a difficult situation because his father was
also ill back at the Al-Tanaf camp. He wanted to stay with his mother but
he wanted to go back and take care of his father. In the end, logistics
forced his hand. There was no transportation available for him to go back
to Al-Tanaf. So he ended up staying with his mother until she passed away.

Um Amer's life was a chain of hardships. At age seven she was a suffering
immigrant, then sanctions and war for 10 years, then another unbalanced war,
then civil war which is, maybe, even more cruel created by countries who
claim they are democratic. She was forced to leave Baghdad to save her
children. The family was separated. One of her daughters left with her
husband. Her son, Omar, immigrated to Chile. The family was separated but
they are not the only ones. A similar story exists in every tent in the
camp and some stories are even worse. The hardships brought the refugee
community together. Their only crime is being Palestinians even though they
weren't involved in the Palestinian cause. All of this didn't convince the
executioner - if your Palestinian you're a fugitive not deserving of mercy.
This is the logic of current civilization. She left this life alone. Her
daughter, Nida, was her companion in suffering through the night. It was
very difficult for Nida to see the suffering her mother went through and her
certain death.

I will never forget you Um Amer . . . .how can I visit the camp without
seeing you? Without your exuberant welcome. I will miss hearing the
strength and pride you display when you speak. Your hardships didn't make
you weak and didn't cause you to beg for mercy or feel self-pity. I will
never forget your tears the last time I saw you. After I saw the movie, I
felt you were the hero of the film. You watched the movie in silence and
your tears ran down your wrinkled cheeks. You didn't speak but the
expression on your face said it all. While saying goodbye to you I wondered
if I would ever see you again. And it turned out to be the last time I saw
you.